Last-Minute Grooms

It's got so we can recognise the voice of the last-minute bridegroom now, right from the first 'Hello, I hope you can help me...' There's panic there, desperation even, because what he really means is, 'Only you can save my life!! '

He wails, 'You know you say it takes up to two weeks for bespoke items? Is there any chance you could do that... er... a bit quicker?" 'We'll do our best,' we always say. And we mean it. We want to help. This guy is in agony. 'How much quicker?' 'Er... ten days quicker? I need 10 sheets of jam labels/ 100 badges/ 80 seaside soap favours by this weekend!'

He practically screams the last bit. And he doesn't have to explain what's happened, we already know. He's been delegated this one little job - ordering from Wedding in a Teacup - and he keeps putting it off. 'Hey,' he thinks, 'the wedding's ages away, there's plenty of time.' He even - unforgivably - fibs and says he's done it and the goodies will arrive any day now. And then his bride-to-be tells him 'everyone's coming round' at the weekend to make the jam/attach badges to pillow boxes/name labels to favours... and all the blood drains from his face... and he calls us.

And we really do try and pull out all the stops to help and so far, to our knowledge, no last-minute bridegroom actually has been killed. But, guys, please, PLEASE give us more notice if you possibly can. It's so much easier on everyone!

Image credit: Robbie Augspurger